I haven’t posted on this blog much in the last couple of months because I haven’t had much to say about my marriage. It seems my stock answer to just about every marriage related question is, “I love my husband.” When I am asked why I want to work on my marriage, that is the answer I come up with. When I am asked if we can work past the hurt, that is the answer I come up with. Its not an answer I give without any thought either. Its my honest answer to just about every marriage related question I am faced with.
I began skimming through the Surviving the Affair program close to two months ago, but honestly I haven’t done much with it. The information I have gone over so far is really good, and it makes a lot of sense. I can understand why my cousin, Monica, talks so highly of it. Right now, I don’t have a clue as to how to apply the information to my life. My marriage isn’t the only relationship in my life in shambles. My cousins and I aren’t as close as we used to be because of how I damaged my relationship with Monica. I have a couple of other friends that I associate with, but the people closest to me are family members.
When we decided to try and work on our marriage, my husband and I agreed we would spend more time together, and more time talking. We have stuck to that comittment, but the results have been a mixed bag at best. There are times where we are together, and talking like we did we we first got together. There are other times where the time we spend together is really quiet and awkward. It makes those times together feel like we are just going through the motions.
One of my other friends and I were talking about relationships the other day. I confieded in her how I felt about my marriage, I shared how I damaged my relationship with my cousin, who happens to be my best friend, to the point where I don’t know if it can be fixed, and that most of my other family members were upset with me as a result. When she cut me off and said, “well this is obviously bothering you, so what are you doing about it?”
It seems silly now, but her question caught me off guard. I asked her how I could do anything about someone being upset with me, other than appologize? “Are you serious? How old are you?” When I told her she got a disgusted look on her face. “Sitting back and wishing for people to be a certain type of way might have worked when you were a little girl, but that’s not how adults work. If you want to improve your relationship with your cousin you need to talk to your cousin, and own up to your part of the problems, and then don’t do them anymore. The problems with your husband go far deeper, but its the same concept.”